I just don't get it

So, this is the only real anonymity that I have left on the internet. I can't really post things to my Facebook anymore for fear of retaliation.


Mother's Day. Just ended according to my clock. I get a wall post on Facebook from my mother telling me that she appreciated the non existent Happy Mother's Day from me.

OMG! I forgot to call my mother on Mother's Day. Let me just point out for the record that this woman is my MOTHER. She gave birth to me. She is not, however, my Mom. She gave that job to her own mom when I was 6 weeks old and very ill. My grandmother is my mom.  She passed away when I was 15. I was devastated. I'm still not completely over it. When my grandmother passed away the position of my mom should have been filled by my mother, but it wasn't. My mother's sister took that up. My Aunt Vicki filled, as best she could, the huge hole left in my life by the death of my grandmother.

But that's not even the best part. I also receive a text from my father telling me that I have hurt my mother and that I only think about myself. I didn't call her on Mother's Day. Apparently my father doesn't know me at all if this is what he thinks. Did he even bother to ask if there was possibly anything wrong and a reason why I didn't call my mother? Nope. Here's the thing: I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my fourth child and this one has been rough. We thought we were going to lose him very early on and have just received a mostly clean bill of health for the little guy. We're still keeping tabs on his heart to make sure no defects show up. We finally start to have some positive thoughts and start getting excited about his impending arrival when I start having contractions on Saturday. They got as close as 15 minutes apart. This is not a good thing at 25 weeks. He's not even considered viable to survive for 3 more weeks. If something had happened and he had been born I could have lost him. The doctor put me on bed rest for all of Saturday and told me to keep a close eye on things on Sunday. I complied on Saturday and did as best I could on Sunday. But Sunday (Mother's Day) was pretty hectic. First I had to get up at 7am to get ready to go to work. Drop my daughters off with my fiance's brother and get to work by 8am. Worked until almost 5pm. Got off work had to go pick up my daughters, get them fed and back to their father's house. Then I had to get myself back home and leave enough time for my fiance to get to his second job by 9. Mother's Day?? What Mother's Day?? I saw my children for a grand total of 2 and a half hours today. And oops I forgot to call my mother. Did she bother to try and get in touch with me? Nope.

After I get pissed and cry about the Facebook post and text message I decide to talk to my brother. Since he lives about 10 minutes from our mother and I live about 5 hours, I figured he would know what all went on today. I find out in talking to my brother that my mother had a pretty shitty day herself and that me not calling was more of the straw that broke the camel's back rather than the entire reason for her disappointment in the day. My father, who accused me of only thinking of myself, I found out went off all afternoon to play golf, alone. Hmmm... I had work and my own kids to deal with... My father went to play golf... And I'm the bad guy here? I don't think so.

So, as far as I'm concerned, I'm done. The only reason I will maintain contact with the two of them is my children. I will not deprive them of the relationship with their grandparents. All the shit that goes on between the three of us has nothing to do with them. As far as me, I don't have parents anymore. My mom died when I was 15 and my dad (her husband, my grandfather) died when I was 7. Besides, my awesome fiance has four awesome parents that have done more for me in the 2 and a half years that I have known them than my mother and father have done for me my entire life. I know that if I need anything all I have to do is call one of them and they will be there for me no matter what, no questions asked. That's what parents are supposed to be. Not what my mother and father seem to think parenthood is. And no I don't mean strictly financially. I hate asking for financial help. I feel like a failure anytime we have to even consider it. Fortunately we haven't had to borrow money from anyone for a very long time. I would like to keep that record running. I mean emotional support, including sometimes being told that I'm wrong and need to rethink what I'm attempting to do. I couldn't have picked a better family to marry into. I am so thankful for all of them.

Well, I think I have ranted enough. Time to hit the sack. I have doctor's appointments tomorrow.

Good Night!
Many Random Returns!